Gaia Community: martha's Blog

Life without parole at 16

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:35:49 GMT

Sarah Kruzan: Sentenced to Life Without Parole at Age 16

This is hard to watch. I cried. It's so sad to see her life wasted. I understand that it is possible for a person to be in a place where they basically have no moral compass. I think at some points in my life I got close to that place myself. I also hear a contradiction in her story she tells. There's this and that. Back and forth.

A reverence for life includes a reverence for the life of each human being. If we can't teach each other this-- if we can't learn this, then we must change the way we do things until we can teach and learn respect and compassion. This is possible, so we should do it.

The only people condemned to life in prison should be hopeless psycho- or sociopaths, which are people who don't have a conscience. The woman in this video may not be a spotless person, but I think she is showing some genuine and congruent emotions. I think she is capable of learning to live as a heart-centered human being among others. The way things are going, the only chance she will have to do that is to live as a heart-centered human being in a prison among other prisoners. I hope that she will do that. The heart of the universe is generous and loving. I'm sending her some of mine. And let's not forget to send our compassion to the pimp, the other girls, the johns, and the families of those involved.

Maybe it's the cultural myths where we get to tell ourselves that we're "better" than those who aren't into prostitution and drugs that keep us blind to and tolerant toward the oozing sores that fester on the surface of our society. What would we do about them if we really cared?

Tags: criminal justice system, youth sentencing, redemption, compassion

Light Dancing!

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:59:32 GMT

Sailing Christopher Cross (Tall Sailing Ships)

With thanks to Samme! :)

Tags: light dancing, gratitude

Meltdown

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:32:20 GMT

Not to be judgmental, but I really thought I'd never do anything like that in public at work. I was eating my lunch. Eggplant and rice. Minding my own business. And then. Someone was saying that a particular individual (with, unfortunately, much institutional power) told him that a certain committee among us was "weak" because they lacked the will to contend, to belly up and fight. --Like a good donnybrook will be the proof of our pudding. ...And I just lost it. I woke up from my lunch to hear myself speaking with spite and fury. I said that I'm tired of "leaders" pushing organizations to competition and combat when there exists the alternative choice of collaboration and servant leadership. I said that I'm sick to death of decisions being made without our input, and of living with the expectation that sharing input is a contentious enterprise.

Surprising myself, I continued, saying that if he wanted a f***ing fight so f***ing much, I would oblige and kick him in his f***ing nuts! And now that I had everyone's attention, I decided to shut up and eat, but I couldn't eat, so I just sat there.

The words of Deborah Tannen and Thelma Shinn were running a ticker-tape loop in my inner ear: "Little boys love to play fight. They love to join teams and see who's best at whatever it is. They create rules for this play, and even write "rules" for wars. But over the millennia, when wars have come to women, it has been the last desperate stand. The bodies of women and old men stood last and unto death to protect the children. There were no "rules" for them, only rape and death. Little girls don't "play fight" among themselves, although they do fight. And when they do, it's a serious thing. It's not fun. There is no "game."

And thus, I suppose I came by my impulse to kick the guy in the nuts for his trouble.

Later, I decided that the committee DOES need to get stronger, and that's just how it is. But anyway, I'm not on that committee.

Tags: gender, leadership styles, frustration

Pronoia by Rob Brezsny

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 06:22:14 GMT

Evidently this book has been around for about 4 years, but I didn't know about it. It was revised and republished this year. Here are some excerpts. I love it.

"Objective: To explore the secrets of becoming a wildly disciplined, fiercely tender, ironically sincere, scrupulously curious, aggressively sensitive, blasphemously reverent, lyrically logical, lustfully compassionate Master of Rowdy Bliss."

[Ah! I'm wildlygentle! I fit right in! :)]

"Mythical Role Models: Prometheus and Pronoia. In Greek mythology, Pronoia was the consort of Prometheus, the Divine rebel who pilfered a glowing coal from his fellow gods so that he could slip the git of fire to humans."

[Ah! Yes Yes!! The consort of Prometheus! Surpressed and ignored all these years! Yes! Woman is an essential co-conspiritor in this tremendous and radiant task of light bringing!]

"Top-secret Allies: Sacred janitors, benevolent pranksters, apathy debunkers, lyrical logicians, ethical outlaws, aspiring masters of curiosity, homeless millionaires, humble megalomaniacs, hedonistic midwives, and socialist libertarians who possess inside information about the big bang."

[All aboard! Somebody bring the Cheetos and the holy water...]

Tags: pronoia

How has your world changed over the past five years?

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:34:56 GMT

2004. That was the year Mark was killed in Iraq. He had grown up to be an Army surgeon, and went to Iraq to sew people back together. He wore a U.S. flag do rag on his head when he operated. He made friends with an Iraqi guy who owned a tobacco shop. Yes, Mark the doctor smoked. But they would both die in the same month for the same reason. Pat Tillman died later that month in Afghanistan. That was the 2nd to the last year that I spent time with my family. Obviously it was a big year. There were 3 funerals for Mark, and I ended up thinking more about him after he died than when he was alive, because he was ten years younger than me. But believe me, I've thought about him a lot. His mother, Roberta, was always so kind to me. Roberta lost Mark's dad, too, the following year. One could say without hesitation and without romanticizing it, that Mark's father died of a broken heart.

After that, I remember the insides of classrooms and the warm, open fields of Nebraska in the summer. We went to Lincoln, Nebraska, to study their neighborhood organization, and how people there worked together to improve the quality of life in their neighborhoods. And you know how that is. The whole time I was there, I would remember scenes about the family and about Mark. There was a woman with us that we were sheilding. I thought she would be my friend forever, but she decided in 2005 to move in with a taxi driver. He was ok. She was ok. She has since left the taxi driver, but she is on her own now. That much is good. But the other thing that happened in 2005 was that I met nuclear physics guy, the person whose web site is always linked to my profile. I had no idea that we would still be friends in the future, but indeed, we are. You never know.

In the summer of 2006, I started to visit a website named Zaadz. I had found out about it by reading an article in What Is Enlightenment magazine. Zaadz is now called Gaia, and WIE is now called EnlightenNext magazine, but hey, we're all still around, more-or-less. Being able to meet up with the amazing, outstanding, interesting, like-minded, creative people I met started major shifts and changes in my life.

The entire time my husband was not a part of any of this. He traveled at my side never. He reflected with me never. But he is a person of great LOVE in my life, the father of my children, and author of more wonderful things than I can count. He was not well for a long time, and this took a toll. So, when I found an outlet on Zaadz, where I could talk to like-minded, kind, smart, nonjudgmental people anytime about any silly idea, I tended to use this site as an outlet. My first blog was in September, 2006, so I guess I've been blogging for 3 years, now. Sometimes I feel like just "pulling the plug" and leaving the site, allowing all my blogs to be obliterated.

In August of 2008, as some of you readers will remember, a bunch of us got together and rented two houses on the Oregon coast and got to know one another! That was SO much fun, and I really do think of you all and miss you! Oh, let's do that again! That was the coolest thing! Which is why I would never just leave. But what I'm working on now is how to value all of this and reintegrate my life. We are always building and unbuilding, weaving and unweaving. We are like Penelope waiting for Odysseus. We have FAITH. We know there is meaning in life, and we are willing to wait for it. We weave and unweave; our heart continues to burn true. Perhaps we are waiting for our True Self to burst forth from within. We await, as no doubt Penelope did, Jung's Hierosgamos, the sacred marriage, the union of opposites. As far as I can tell, this union occurs in my life both through balance and by transcendence, and both are infinite processes. And so we are companions along this endless journey, as we dance the yellow brick road. Thank you dear heart, for dancing with me!

Now, since Michael has passed to another world, things are changing yet again. I come here a lot less, now. I suppose that's because I don't use this community as an "escape" anymore. What I seek is my true connection with you. I'm asking myself to create a time to be with you, to read your blogs, and to allow your beautiful spirits to stir my heart, to inspire and humble me, as before. My love, I have strayed. Can we drink May wine in October and talk about this?

Tags: Q&R, future, past, reflection, time

How can you be in two places at once when you're really nowhere

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 05:02:37 GMT

at all? Or, an alternative title for this blog might be "Modeling Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle: Prancing Down the Runway in a Brand New Fashion!" I had started to write about the Gaia/Facebook thing. But none of this is about that.

I ended up thinking about "place." Lots of places.

I'm not really ever ON a runway*, but I COULD be on a runway, one could speak of the odds of my being on a runway**, ....which would make it all Very odd, indeed.

And, as a model, I would be atomically correct. Hanging out in all the proper orbits. A bit player, a hanging out boob. A nuclear family member, almost a sexagenarian.

And energized, of course. The energizer bunny. (You knew that one was coming, right? When this blog took a weird turn, the only thing I knew I would write about was the bunny.) Hopping from one state to another. Hmm. What would be a low energy state? Kentucky? A dear friend of mine contracted Hep C in Kentucky. He can't stand the place now. But we runway models don't stand anywhere. Our little stiletto heels are aways going Click Click Click, like a Geiger counter. So sensitive to the energies. Radiating danger. Radiating excitement, newness, and fucking frankly the Siren of Sirens, commercial success! Ah, we will all make enough money from this one to buy the type of meals in Chicago's best restaurants that Margo can tell stories about. Those stories are like music.

stilettoheels

*(although I am on runways in airplanes, what I mean by "runway" here is a fashion runway)

**(or of YOUR being on a runway)

Tags: beats me, uncertainty principle, places, energizer bunny

Little things

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 04:43:43 GMT

I am
grateful to breath
each inhale so good
exhale, so good.
I can see, too!
Oh what I see!
Everything! Everything!
SUCH is LIVING!
Oh my!
I can feel
my mouth, the silava
my teeth
and they don't hurt,
Ah! How lucky.
I wish everyone's teeth felt so good
I smile a lot
I feel smiles.
I have two arms, I type words!
Grateful am I.
Planning my day,
Working for ways
That we all, all
could feel so good, so grateful
Take my hand
I know it will be warm.

Tags: being alive

Blame Game

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 04:22:10 GMT

"Blame" means it's your "fault."

A "fault" is something wrong with you.

This bad thing has occurred because of something wrong with you.

How does assigning blame help to amend the problem?

A thought I heard today (or was it yesterday), maybe from Brian Johnson's philosopher's notes:

People need to stop the blame game. Why put all that energy into blaming someone? --Even if that person is yourself.

Tags: blame, amends

Cool

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 17:51:04 GMT

I was dancing/working out at Jazzercise the other day,

Exercise for Bunnies

when I thought about how almost everyone yearns to experience natural grace and flow. We want to move beautifully. We know that when we do, there's a quality that goes with that, and others can see it. Viscerally, a person feels it. And we--at least I --want that to be the quality of my movements.

Excellence of movement happens on so many levels. There's the oratory of Barack Obama, the cooking of Julia Child, the dancing of Michael Jackson. They are all very cool. There is an excellence that comes into its own. It's when we are very clearly who we are, and we are operating totally in sync with the excellence of what we do.

I do think all of us want to be cool. And as we know from our adventures in middle school (ok, well MY adventures there, anyway) one can't be cool by trying to "be cool." Or not for very long, anyway. Cool is an unconscious byproduct of authenticity and excellence, and that's why it's so- cool.

And then I was thinking that coolness is part of our evolution. If we go to 'incarnation school' long enough to meet and become this thing we call "enlightenment," we also will somehow be very "cool."

Michael Jackson's Best Dance Moves - Beat It

Tags: enlightenment, cool, movement, dance

Magic

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 06:55:25 GMT

I thought desert landscaping would be less work, but it's MORE work, especially during the first year. This is what I get for having no relatives. Nobody hangs out and tells you these things.

There is good stuff, too, though. There are the flowers that emerge brilliantly, optimistically, and against all odds just days after being newly planted.

And then the doggone weird stuff. Before, I could just barely keep my lawn alive. NOW, because I'm watering the landscape plants, SUDDENLY--and I mean in just, like, TWO days, there's all this damn grass!

And I'm like, "Where were YOU when I needed you???"

And they're like, "We don't know, we're just the damn grass. Aren't we pretty?"

magical weeds

And I'm like, "No! You're NOT pretty. You grow like little green monkeys all over the place and you're rotten little guys and I just want you to GO AWAY!"

And so I go to Home Depot, and I get RoundUp, and I poison them. My mantra is "Kill, kill, kill!" I am a heartless, ruthless killing machine that sprays DEATH! I'm serious. Those feckless, amoral, stinking weeds have GOT to go!

But they stay. I find out that I haven't purchased a grass and weed killer toxic enough to do the job. Geeeeeeeeeez.

Some areas behave

Some of the parts of the yard are like they're "supposed" to be, and some are coated with the stupid green grass that last year I would have done just about anything to foster.

Now I have to decide whether I'm willing to be an even more toxic Death Goddess. How do other people get such nice, functional landscaping? They pay someone to come and Kill Kill Kill.

The magic of nature is perverse.

Tags: magic, landscaping, nature, frustration, lack of compassion

What would you do if you lost everything you owned?

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 17:56:14 GMT

If you can lose it, you didn't really own it in the first place.

Of course it's darned inconvenient to lose those things which we assume are ours, at least on "permanent loan" this time around. Losing those things, I suggest as others have, that letting go and allowing other stuff to come along is the best approach.

But what is it to lose "everything"? The ability to walk, to write, to read, to think rationally, to love... how far does this go?

Living in the moment with gratitiude helps me realize how much I have always, and how rich I am. I'm so glad that I can realize this, and I hope always to be able to do so.

Tags: QaR, loss, possessions, letting go

The Uniform Project

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 16:19:27 GMT

This is what Sheena Matheiken wore on Sunday, July 19th, 2009 (yesterday). She was thinking about going to the beach.

How do I know this? And even more to the point, why do I care in an "I'm gonna blog about this" kinda way? It's because because July 19th was the 200th day of 2009, and that means that Sheena has worn that same black item she's wearing in the picture 200 times this year. She wears the same thing every lovin' day.

Actually, she has seven identical black thingies, and she wears the "same thing" every day with washing activity goin' on, in a regular cycle.

She's doing this to raise money for school uniforms for kids in India. So, if you're interested, here's her cute little ol' website: theuniformproject.com If you click on the calendar in the upper left corner, you can see how she wore it on any day so far this year. And frankly, I am in awe! That girl can accessorize!!! :)

And yes, my morning paper assures me that she is working on marketing the black dress-thing. It's reversible, so you can wear it backwards or forwards, and it's a button-up--an amazing little garment. But even better, the project is also a useful counterpoint to "fast fashion," which is the name for that new development you may have noticed while shopping these days: You pick up a hanger to view a cute shirt, and notice that it is so cheaply made that it has few seams, and it's basically what I would call "cheapo," and my mom might have called "flimsey." YUK!!! But these garments are not only challenging to those of us with higher quality expectations for our garments, it's bad for the environment, too! This endless churning of fabric creation, purchase and abandonment. Let me off this train!!!

I'm old enough to remember, of course, when one kept one's clothes "forever," and they developed an unfortunate sweaty odor under the arms and so forth. I'm not going all the way back to THAT era, but I DO think Sheena Girl is showing us the way to a brave new fashion world! Oh Sweetie!!! I'm gonna wear my beautiful scarf today! Just for you and your lovely project! YAY for Sheena and the schoolkids in India!!! :)

Tags: uniform project, little black dress, same dress every day, school uniforms, clothing for kids, India children

What do you want right now?

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 18:49:18 GMT

To breath.

Tags: QaR, wanting, desires, needs

What was the last thing you damaged?

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:52:44 GMT

My nose!
Not permanent damage, but
I accidently hit my nose
While talking to a room full of students,
And as I felt the impact I found that it really, really hurt
Much more than it should have.
It shouldn't have hurt at all.
But I couldn't stop and look in a mirror.
So I just wondered if I looked OK or not.
And what's wrong with my face???

This is related to my complaint on
Facebook yesterday
that my eyes were swelling.

There's an allergic reaction,
and I think it's related to
PureVia, which is a stevia extract,
that I've been using as a coffee sweetner
But I might be allergic to it.

Also, I ate a square of dark chocolate
yesterday, and it kind of hurt in my mouth,
Like I was really sensitive to it.
But that has happened before
When eating dark chocolate.

I'm eating all these types of things
in an effort to be healthy.
But I never had reactions such as these
After eating a plate of fries
and then taking a trip to
Baskin & Robbins.

If I'd just exercise more, I wouldn't
have to eat all these weird foods.
So I decided to get a gym membership,
because my schedule hasn't matched
the YMCA schedule for about two years now
and I could really use some pool time.

Later, when I got home
and was eating dinner,
which was Arabian food I make myself
and it's very healing,
The outside of my ear started to hurt
the same way my nose did.
How very odd.

rabbit ears

Tags: QaR, damaged, accident, broken, injured

Alternative economies for prosperity and justice!

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:27:03 GMT

Oh! I want to share this with you! I've found an organization that is doing what I had dreamed of, but didn't know could be possible! They are documenting indigenous economies, some of them quite large, some sustained over hundreds of years, that create economic life and livelihoods in ways that manifest just relationships, equity, inclusiveness, and respect for the environment. These economic systems reside outside the hackneyed capitalist/socialist/communist dichotomy, and basically allow those ways of thinking to rust away with the rust belt! If you like the video, the link to their organization is a little different from the one they mention on the video. You know how websites can kind of migrate around. Their address as of this writing is: http://www.otherworldsarepossible.org/

Mali: Gift Economy

Tags: economies, alternative economies, indigenous economies, economic development models, sustainable development, economic justice

A Blog 'Bout Heaven

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:04:43 GMT

A dear friend here at Gaia,
Who if I met him during the late 60's or early 70's
I probably would have gotten this huge crush on
But I have a sneaking suspicion we have been siblings in several past lives
and have agreed to keep a safe distance in this one,
Wrote 'bout my Heaven
But he left somethin' outa the picture.
You really need a Giant Rabbit
To crush the Building.
You never know what's gonna happen.
Mimi wrote an excellent blog about this today.
The Rabbit is a really nice guy,
you know.
Mike and I had this great saying: Lettuce be friends, if you carrot all!
The Giant was only looking for a carrot,
But he smashed the farm.
I don' know why I lived,
But I know one thing.
I'm gonna dance.
I'm gonna boogie down.
I'm gonna love like there's no tomorrow.
I'm gonna try to actually do constructive things with my life.
I'm gonna eat LOTS of cookies.
I'm gonna give food to the hungry.
I'm gonna piss off politicians.
I'm gonna check the air pressure in my tires.
I'm gonna hug my kids.
I'm gonna keep an eye out to see if the rabbit's comin' back,
But I'm not gonna worry too much about it.

Tags: kismet, giant rabbits, love, death, friendship

What in life are you most sure of?

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 02:45:21 GMT

LOVE!

Tags: QaR, certainty, knowledge, clarity

What in life are you unsure of?

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 06:15:25 GMT

How to SPELL anything!!! Jeez Louise! If it weren't for Spell Check, I'd be screwed!

Tags: QaR, life, clarity, uncertainty

What does it feel like to breathe?

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 05:56:18 GMT

That up there is our outside thermometer on our patio at 10:15 p.m. this evening. It's just shy of 100 degrees here in Tempe, Arizona. Can you come on over? We could have a cold drink. We could breath the warm air.

Yesterday I was writing about how grateful I am for the air conditioning. It's much easier for me to breath cooler air. When I first lived here, I'd get anxiety about the heat at night. When it first hit me really bad, was sitting at a table at a local eatery/dancin' spot, that unfortunately no longer exists, called Jaramillo's, appreciating their cold AC. Then I realized that the ONLY cool air available was "artificial," and had been provided by the machine, and that out in the parking lot, it would be warm (hot). And it would be warm (hot) everywhere until we reached yet another air conditioned spot. Could I live like that? Were we SUPPOSED to live like that? Could society survive living like that?

I started to feel like the only ant who knows he's in an ant farm. I just wanted OUT, but there was no out. Twenty-five years later, I still feel that way from time to time. As an ant, I haven't decided that there's anything in particular I can do.

Tags: QaR, breath, breathing

What are you thankful for?

http://communitybuilder.gaia.com — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:43:15 GMT

Basically, thankfulness is a lifestyle. I mean, that's how I think, mostly. It's a way of life. So, logically to list or discuss pretty much whatever I'm thankful for right now would take the Whole World, even the Universe to express. But right at this moment, to be perfectly honest, what I'm MOST thankful for is pretty specific: I'm thankful for the AC in AZ. We're talkin' air conditioning:

ac-5

Please humor me by allowing me to share our weather forecast for the coming week here in Phoenix:

Monday:         High 110   Overnight low 90
Tuesday:        High 110   Overnight low 90
Wednesday: High 110   Overnight low 90
Thursday:       High 112 Overnight low 90
Friday:             High 112 Overnight low 90
Saturday:        High 112   Overnight low 90

And another thing I'm thankful for is that it isn't projected to hit 115 yet.

BTW, it's monsoon season, which means we have increasing humidity, too.

thunderheads

These are some good examples of what our monsoon moisture looks like, but when we get these, it's still about 110, 115 or Lord knows what. Of course, IF the rain actually falls, it's very nice!

So, as I was saying, right now, I'm thankful for my own personal AC. Thing is, that baby is 16 years old and needs to be replaced. Will it make it through another summer? That is in the hands of God. I'm thankful that no matter what happens with it, I know we'll be able to cope.

Tags: QaR, gratitude, appreciation, thanks