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frustration
November 2009 
Meltdown
Posted on Oct 21st, 2009
by 
martha
martha
Not to be judgmental, but I really thought I'd never do anything like that in public at work. I was eating my lunch. Eggplant and rice. Minding my own business. And then. Someone was saying that a particular individual (with, unfortunately, much institutional power) told him that a certain committee among us was "weak" because they lacked the will to contend, to belly up and fight. --Like a good donnybrook will be the proof of our pudding. ...And I just lost it. I woke up from my lunch to hear myself speaking with spite and fury. I said that I'm tired of "leaders" pushing organizations to competition and combat when there exists the alternative choice of collaboration and servant leadership. I said that I'm sick to death of decisions being made without our input, and of living with the expectation that sharing input is a contentious enterprise.
Surprising myself, I continued, saying that if he wanted a f***ing fight so f***ing much, I would oblige and kick him in his f***ing nuts! And now that I had everyone's attention, I decided to shut up and eat, but I couldn't eat, so I just sat there.
The words of Deborah Tannen and Thelma Shinn were running a ticker-tape loop in my inner ear: "Little boys love to play fight. They love to join teams and see who's best at whatever it is. They create rules for this play, and even write "rules" for wars. But over the millennia, when wars have come to women, it has been the last desperate stand. The bodies of women and old men stood last and unto death to protect the children. There were no "rules" for them, only rape and death. Little girls don't "play fight" among themselves, although they do fight. And when they do, it's a serious thing. It's not fun. There is no "game."
And thus, I suppose I came by my impulse to kick the guy in the nuts for his trouble.
Later, I decided that the committee DOES need to get stronger, and that's just how it is. But anyway, I'm not on that committee.
Surprising myself, I continued, saying that if he wanted a f***ing fight so f***ing much, I would oblige and kick him in his f***ing nuts! And now that I had everyone's attention, I decided to shut up and eat, but I couldn't eat, so I just sat there.
The words of Deborah Tannen and Thelma Shinn were running a ticker-tape loop in my inner ear: "Little boys love to play fight. They love to join teams and see who's best at whatever it is. They create rules for this play, and even write "rules" for wars. But over the millennia, when wars have come to women, it has been the last desperate stand. The bodies of women and old men stood last and unto death to protect the children. There were no "rules" for them, only rape and death. Little girls don't "play fight" among themselves, although they do fight. And when they do, it's a serious thing. It's not fun. There is no "game."
And thus, I suppose I came by my impulse to kick the guy in the nuts for his trouble.
Later, I decided that the committee DOES need to get stronger, and that's just how it is. But anyway, I'm not on that committee.
Access: Public
this can be such a frustrating thing, martha, I experience this often as the president of the association. what to do? how to strengthen the committee? how to deal with emotions that can be so very strong?
love you
Hey Warrior Woman,
I love that you did that! Tell it like it is, and let them know where you stand— and you have a decent kicking leg and are willing to use it if necessary. . WhooHooo! They won't fjuck with you, or least think twice about it..
that's why I hate groups and said I would never join another one willingly. . There is so much jockying for position, and so many people have their own agenda and have no interest in working as a group for a group solution. Unless there is a strong leader, the worst person or group of persons will band together in their stupidness and feed off each other and ruin the project and stall it. I call them “Preventers”. They prevent the process from moving forward and create a lot of diversion and thus feel some sort of power. The only way I have found to combat this in groups is to identify a strong leader, and convince others to back the strong leader so there are more people to neutralize or defeat the Preventers.
I hated being at work because of all the nonsense, politics, back-stabbing, posers, nepotism, pettiness, and gossip.
((hugs)) and lots of love
nothing like a kick in the balls to get a guy's attention. at times meltdowns are good for you. nice work.
A humorous update for all you lovelies who give freely of your time and read here… I think this is SO funny: the very next day, it just so happened that someone (I don't know who) got busted for taking all our negative comments out of an institutional self study, so [get this :)] Administration sent a memo… BEGGING us for negative comments to put back in! And we can do it anonymously! he he he he he he he So, because I had already melted down the day before, I was very ready to write the following:
It is EXTREMELY devaluing of faculty and staff who have worked hard to develop leadership styles that are inclusive and collaborative, respectful and supportive of others, to be dealt with by a college President who seems to take a “span of control, top-down” attitude. While it is true that traditionally the merit of ideas was decided through a willingness to compete over them, I deeply resent living under a leadership style that ignores the potential for collaboration and creativity. Many of our campus problems could be solved collaboratively. The people who work here have a wealth of ideas and perspectives that are not being listened to, and not being valued. In this scenario, everyone except the guy at the top loses. And the guy at the top loses too, because no matter how intelligent he may be, he will not be able to think of all the innovative ideas that he needs on his own, or even within his small group of lieutenants at the top. I don't actually expect them to publish it or anything, but I sure am enjoying sending it in! :)
you brat
I just want to sit here and admire you for a bit
LOL!!!!
Martha, I saw the little scorpion cornered and before “he” (the man- individual to whom you were speaking) knew what hit him the stinger came over the scorpion's head and popped him between the eyes…I have witnessed this more than once and no I am sure you could not eat…
Such is the life of a Scorpio…we have to be hypervigilant because we never, ever know when the situation will present itself and when the Scorpion feels threatened- move over!!! And then there is the process which includes, but is not limited to, becoming the serpent and then the eagle and then the phoenix rising and my goal is the latter, but don't beat yourself up…we all go there at times Scorpio or not!!!
And anything that resembles the “old timeline” is crumbling...it has to end- HOOORAY!!! So, buckle your seat belt there is more to come!!!
Love N Hugs,
Starseed
Oh well, perhaps someday I will be aware enough to know what I'm doing and decide to sting or not, rather than getting caught up in it all… :)