Help
Sign In
change
July 2009 
What values of yours have remained the same?
Posted on Aug 18th, 2008
by 
martha
martha
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for August 18, 2008:
When I was a kid, I figured I was doing well if I had a new toy.
When I got a little older, it was popularity that I sought.
As a teenager, I just wanted to be "the smartest one."
And then later, that developed into a full-out lust to be "best" at whatever I did,
Which matured into a desire to change the world.
And then I had kids, so I wanted the best for my family.
Watching the generations move forward, and the excitement of youth shift from we, the parents, to our children, I slowly realized that nobody acting alone changes the world. Life was probably about something else. But what?
Perhaps knowledge offered the ultimate riches, so I enrolled in a Ph.D. program. Later, I thought, "Nobody cares about this nonsense!" What matters is what happens to our children, how we learn, and what we can bring into our lives to make them better. Not knowledge, but wisdom.
And then I began to realize that life is not about how much you own, or how many relationships you have, or how dynamic your career, or how much you are esteemed, but about how much you are capable of loving.
However, throughout my life, one thing has remained uncompromisingly true. There's nothing as wonderful as a really good book!
When I got a little older, it was popularity that I sought.
As a teenager, I just wanted to be "the smartest one."
And then later, that developed into a full-out lust to be "best" at whatever I did,
Which matured into a desire to change the world.
And then I had kids, so I wanted the best for my family.
Watching the generations move forward, and the excitement of youth shift from we, the parents, to our children, I slowly realized that nobody acting alone changes the world. Life was probably about something else. But what?
Perhaps knowledge offered the ultimate riches, so I enrolled in a Ph.D. program. Later, I thought, "Nobody cares about this nonsense!" What matters is what happens to our children, how we learn, and what we can bring into our lives to make them better. Not knowledge, but wisdom.
And then I began to realize that life is not about how much you own, or how many relationships you have, or how dynamic your career, or how much you are esteemed, but about how much you are capable of loving.
However, throughout my life, one thing has remained uncompromisingly true. There's nothing as wonderful as a really good book!
Access: Public
ooooh! Martha thanks for the ride! That was good.
yes … there is “nothing as wonderful as a really good book!” … what you been reading lately fiction? non-fiction? Let's share book lists, K?
Hi Peri! I've been reading Coming Back to Life: Practices to Reconnect our Lives, Our World, by Joanna Macy. It's an incredible book about the workshops she does to teach people how to open their eyes and see what's going on in the world, and to get in touch with how they feel about that, and then to get empowered to do something about it. There's a CD also, where she explains exactly how she does her workshops. I was watching it this summer, but the book is really useful, too. I've been plugging stuff from her book into my classes—workshop exercises and activities to help students open their eyes and articulate what they see and feel, and to experience things. Sometimes a really good book is even more than I could expect! :) I miss you Peri!
And then I began to realize that life is not about how much you own, or how many relationships you have, or how dynamic your career, or how much you are esteemed, but about how much you are capable of loving
Oh Martha…this teared me up…it was the culmination of a beautiful soliloquy! what a lovely comment on life! THanK yOU!
And your loving a good book is another wonderful truth! We are so much alike in so many ways!
hugs, aley
love the meander through all the past yous, dear Martha! hugs
speaking of good books, anyone want to discuss Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility?
so after you fininish reading a good book…do you give it away…or does it go on some shelf.
My goddd, that’s fantastic Martha! You simply hit the nail on the head…
And that PhD thing is so overrated! lol hehe I just upset a few posters hahah
Good books are good for ya, yeh!
Thank you so much for this M. Sherri
I am reflecting back on this again Martha and love it!
It took me a while to get here, but I am glad I did! Thank you so much, martha, for that wonderful journey.
The book you mentioned sounds really great and I think I'm going to check it out after I finish the one I'm currently reading. There may be a lot of synergies between the two!
Cheers,
N
Martha, my wise and loving friend—I love your blogs, and once again I feel like I'm right there with you!
With appreciation for the blog (and the comments,)
Helen
Hi wonderful ones! Love reading your thoughts. Thank you for coming by!
Aley, I miss you. Hope you guys are seeing the results of your building blocks coming into place, creating your new reality.
Nicole, I've always wanted to read Sense and Sensibility. Now why haven't I? It's definitely one I'll pick up this year. Thanks for the reminder, and best wishes to you as you feel better.
Maze, I do all different things with the books, and I kinda thought we all are doing that… ? Some I give away, some are fundamental to a particular learning, so I keep them to use as documentation, inspiration or to teach from. Some I sell. In the spring I take a big bag of books to our local store and sell them. The proceeds finance the start of my next year's book buying. I remember you wrote a blog about your book shelves a good while back. I SO related to that one! Sometimes I just look at my bookshelves.
Nishtha, that looks like a wonderful book! I'll look into it. Thanks!
Hi Helen, I wish you were actually right here. Wouldn't that be fun? ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Sherri! I was just over at your profile, and then I thought, “Oh no!” I forgot to answer her comment! and what I was going to say is: Yeah, ok, ph.d. programs. well, the research that we have to go through, in terms of reading all the seminal stuff and all the controversial stuff and so forth, in the field, is fascinating enough, but I just kept looking around at that other 99.9% of life that's not involved in it, and I was wondering this: “How come we know all this shit in column “A”, and everyone in column “B” ignores it? Isn't that kind of a waste?” And so I was SO overwhelmed and grateful when I finally discovered bell hooks, who did so much to get the word out about multicultural feminism, which basically takes the position that if it won't help you improve your life and make the world a better place, who the fuck needs it? And I thought, “Thank God! Somebody else is thinking about this the way I do! Let's roll up our sleeves and get to work!” And then it was OK. I learned so much about the difference between knowledge and wisdom. Basically knowledge is stuff you can know, like facts, and wisdom is what the fuck anyone could do with the knowledge. Obviously, we need both things. I also learned so much about feminism, spiritual traditions, and the journey of the soul. I would do it all over again in a heart beat!
ROFL
I had to stop what I was doing to respond right away. I have to tell you, I started a PhD programme thinking I ought to go and learn the ‘state of the art’ and ‘cutting edge’ stuff so that I could better serve the world… NOT!! Lucky lucky me, the programme was headed by this 75 yr old Catalonian trained in Germany who didn’t even believe that WOMEN should be researchers or academics! He thought we didn’t have any place studying… hear the words he said to my Finnish colleague “why don’t you go do a cooking course?” This to a woman working actively in a research institute. I also watched him literally destroy a physically challenged lady from Colombia who presented a draft research paper in a session… DESTROY! She literally left the room crying on her CRUTCHES!
He attempted to pull my A** down as well, the MF [I’m pretty darn passionate about this one as well] and said to me in public ‘You people from the developed world always come around thinking you can change the world…’ Yup, he said that TO ME!! To SHERRILENE!!!
That man does NOT know how he inspired my A**!! He proceeded to fail me for a particular module that I clearly had aced, and passed this Iranian guy who had copy-pasted every F**k from the bloody internet… and also had been my stalker I might add. It was so crystal clear discrimination… but I know that God was watching his sad A**.
The other co-ordinator of the programme was Swedish… need I say more about him finding the BALLS to back me in public? He insisted privately ‘Oh you’ll make an excellent researcher etc. I don’t necessarily agree with Prof So and So, but it is up to him eventually…’ So he basically bailed on me totally. I was SO disgusted that I told HIM where to get off and said they had a crappy programme anyway, and if I was going to have to subject myself to mediocrity I may as well come back to Barbados and take my chances here!
Even while I was doing all my philosophy readings etc. I was already thinking, I need to do Qualitative study; I can’t come and do more number crunching. For what? But I had the dickens of a time to find any programmes that wanted to address social and economic studies across the human spectrum. So I finally decided, this - academia - wasn’t for me, not in its present form.
Interesting, at my University here where I stuck around on the outskirts but insisted on not becoming one of the drones there, I have been invited to lead the Empowerment and Entrepreneurship programme… even though I am not lettered, which is the standing criteria for engaging personnel as may be the case for your neck of the woods as well. I am in graciously as a consultant. Guess why? The question of legitimacy of the output of the university is in question. All those unemployable graduates!
They also want me to engage some kind of research programme… hmmm Ya think it’s going to be quantitative? NOT!! You can be so sure not! I have no idea what it will be, but most likely it’s going to incorporate female entrepreneurship and it will involve QUALITY OF LIFE!
Right now I don’t even care if it gets Academic Board blessing! If I can see the results applied and applicable hopefully in different places that could really do with some structured assistance which takes people in mind, I will be more than satisfied. I had to stick my neck out on that one as well; I am NOT here to endorse your using good research funding to look as if you are doing something meaningful when you never actually implement anything to help society. It was my gut that got me on this one too… I am so thankful I did now! I finally get to vent about it. AHHHH!!! What a relief!!!
Thank you SO MUCH Martha. We should definitely keep talking. I have so many women around me telling these kinds of stories it is incredible!
I’m not joking, this end of control thing that’s coming, feels like the literal second coming of Christ to me right now. I CAN HARDLY WAIT!!!
Blessings blessings and more blessings upon you baby!
Sherri
Ah Dear Sherri,
I don't think the end of controlling will occur without great upheaval, because there's so much damn dead wood to move! (The “End of the World as Treatment of Constipation” theory :)
Yeah, my stories aren't quite so hideous, but I got a few we should share sometime over a beer. Glad you made it through that with your integrity.
In a nutshell: Rhetoric. Rhetoric is the art of persuasion. It is also that set of critical thinking skills that one uses to figure out how one is being persuaded. Please try this thought on to see if it feels right: Quantitative methods allow the researcher to use the rhetoric of quantitative data for purposes of persuasion. What I look for in a research project is the subject and the conclusions. Quantiative data allows a “rigorous” discussion of outcomes. “Objective” discussion is also valued. These values support power and control as they are held and exercised in certain cultural forms—like, good old boy networks. I like multicultural and humanistic feminism, because it involves a rhetoric of the heart and guts, which is echoed and facilitated via qualitative methods. Does that make sense to you?
Anyway, there is a great book: How to Change the World. It explains about social entrepreneurship. There is a lot of support for projects in that domain. I'm currently developing a project that encourages people thinking of retirement to consider engaging in such an endeavor. There is interest, and who knows? Anyway, do you have any interest in social entrepreneurship? It might be a direction to get people involved in the type of work that builds community, economic and social infrastructure, and develops the civil sector of society…
Best wishes,
Martha
hey martha that was great, i was on the edge of my seat waiting for the ending and wow I love it . You are so great. I love a good book too. LIfe is so much more fun when you have a good book there waiting for you. Something to curl up on the couch with and turn the lamp on.
Martha I smile again. That is my key area of interest. I don't consult for any other type of business now. I'm affiliated with the Schumacher Institute in the UK which is strongly promoting social enterprise. That is the direction I see the world going, frankly.
I'm definitely over the idea that the boys club is relevant; they've just absented themselves from development. I no longer am convinced just by numbers anyway, for obvious reasons!
Depth… let's go there :)
Thanks again my dear. Sherri
thanks, martha, feeling better will come in its time, with balance, in the meantime i am very grateful to be recovering from the physical illness and for the amazing support of my Gaian friends.
Anyway, if you or anyone wants to jump into the Sense and Sensibility book discussion I linked above at Samme's group, we are discussing chapters 1-10 this week and will be discussing it for the coming weeks. If all goes well we will sequentially continue discussing other Austen works.
Ok commercial over! Thanks for indulging me :) big hugs, sweetie
Nicole, thank you for the invitation, and to be truthful, I probably won't get there, but if it counts at all, I wish that I did!
Sherri! I was just folding clothes, and I remembered that there was a conversation between you and me that is still going on, and that I'd missed the next part of it! So here I am, a day late, but hey. You know, I'm not surprised at all that you are working in social entrepreneurship. More to come for sure on that score! I think you and I might even have itnersecting or connecting projects of some kind in the future. Why not? stranger things have happened.
Jenni! Boy, I've gotta get over to your blog! Speaking of good books, I've gotta catch up on your blog!