My top 10 conversation types, ranging from most annoying to funnest:

10.  The most difficult topic for me:  "What are you going to do this weekend?"  "What are you going to do for the upcoming holiday?"  I don't know! Give me a fucking break!  If you actually know the answer to that question, your life is so much more organized than mine that you make me SICK.    Please, please, please don't EVER ask me this question again. 
9.  Diet and exercise
8.  At work we blow off steam complaining about how hard it is to do our jobs, but in a positive way, where we also help each other cope and do a better job.
7.  Travels new places, other cultures
6.  Kids, our kids, the younger generation--how is their world different from/the same as ours---how are they different/same as we were?  WHO are they?
5.  How to make really good food, where to get the ingredients
4.  Really interesting ideas--like new concepts:  new designs for communities; ways to power things that don't use fossil fuels; technologies; the impact of organic agriculture vs. factory farms on democracy and civil society; applications of ancient ideas to society today; how people learn things.
3.  Stories about your life or my life, so that we know each other, understand each other better, learn something about life
2.  Stuff that makes us laugh--funny movies, Freudian slips, gaffs, farts, jokes...
1.  Flirting--and the chemistry is great!!!

When I was five, my father told me that "There will never, ever be a woman fireman."  He meant, by extension, that I would never be a fireman, which at the time was my chosen occupation.  He was wrong about the "woman fireman" thing, but he was right that I would never become a firefighter.  So we'll give that one 50% for correctness.

In fourth grade, Patty's mother said that I was really smart--maybe the smartest kid in the neighborhood, and that someday I'd "take over the whole block."  This was quite a concept.  I had no idea what she meant, and really still don't, but it was great having somebody say something positive about me. 

When I was twelve and I first saw Jimmy, the crush was instant.  That was, of course, because the entire episode was karmic.  And being that it was to end so awfully, it was best to get through that business before attaining so many years that the sadness would be unsurvivable.  In that beginning moment, a little voice inside my head warned me, "If you choose him, he won't be there when you need him the most."  Crazily, I ignored the oddly sourced warning.  But it was true.  Although we later became quite an item, six years into the future he wasn't there at all when I needed him the most.

When I was 18, I had my first tarot reading.  I was the Fool, stepping carelessly into things that I knew not.  There would be adversity, then Death--a transition in which the life I knew would be lost to me, replaced by something... what?  and also the Tower, struck by lightening, falling down, tragedy both destructive and transformational.  This misfortune was projected to tear so deeply into my life as to take years to surmount.  But surmount it I eventually would.  The final outcome would be the Chariot, a card showing a triumphant outcome due to the ability to control both the white and black sphinx, the light and dark energies and wisdoms---in other words, a type of victory through self knowledge and learning balance and wisdom.  The final card was the Wheel of Fortune---the wheel of karma, wholeness, all of life spinning around, the surprises and events of life, the enterprise of a life fully lived---the last two cards being a pretty good description of my life now.  The Death and Tower cards heralded the tragedy that Jimmy wasn't going to be around for.  But of course, that's all over with now. 

The worst type of waiting is waiting to go to the bathroom.  Especially if you're traveling and you don't know where a bathroom is, or how they are supposed to look in the country you're in, or how to ask where it is in the local language, or even how to tell who is a person you could ask.  Oh, it's that awful urgency, coupled with the dread of exploding and extruding all over yourself and stinking in front of a group of strangers, and maybe some of it ending up on the floor.

Now that I'm older, my colon appears to have become less elastic, and I get a much shorter notice from my body that I've got to go take care of business.  When I get that notice now, I've got to take care of it right away, or I'll be sorry.

And I've always been the classically "anal retentive" type, who wants to complete a task before taking that nature break.

That's probably why some old folks mellow out.  It's physically impossible to be "anal retentive" anymore.  There goes all the fun.

It never happened to me--that scenario in paragraph one, but one day it almost did.  I made it back to the hotel, where I knew there was for sure a bathroom, but we had already checked out, so I headed for the loo in the lobby, only to find a line of about 15 people.  So the thing was, I didn't want to look desperate and dance around in front of these people.  Isn't it strange how social rules trump biological ones for as long as humanly possible?  God!  I think I've discovered a new law of sociology!  And I found myself thinking resentful thoughts about people.  Like, "That kid doesn't have to go as much as I do, she's just in line because she's bored."  Did the Men's room have a long line, too?  I'm sure you're asking.  I honestly don't remember if they HAD a men's room.  I'm pretty sure it wasn't nearby, because I would remember thinking about it, but I didn't.  And I actually did get through the whole line without further misadventure.  It's amazing what a person discovers they can do, when they absolutely have to.

The restroom sign picture is from a Japanese restroom, and I found it here.

Well, ever since I began to explore YouTube, I had one basic goal above all others with regard to internet videos, and that was to find a talking cat.  Could this be one?  If it is, I'd definitely say that it's pretty darn joyous, and you might enjoy it with me.  But it could be a clever prank.  What do you think?

Actually I had a big insight about all of this, this morning.  Do I think the cat really "thinks in English and speaks discursively"?  Of course not.  BUT.  That's not where it's at.  I realized that, as a survival mechanism in the dysfunctional family I grew up in, I've ALWAYS lived in that sweet little dimensional space between belief and gullibility. 

"Belief," in the way I'm using the term, means that you are buying into something because there is some objective standard--perhaps physical evidence or perhaps a value position--offered with the proposition that affords your buy-in.  Gullibility is simply accepting any possible construct, with no critical scan. 

As a little kid, I accepted some unacceptable behaviors on the part of the adults in my life, because there were no alternative models available.  In other words, a certain amount of gullibility was life-sustaining.  And I also knew, from my very earlest self awareness, that the mind can make things fly, that almost anything is possible, and that the most important thing in the world is our self-talk. 

This morning I realized that I was very, very lucky to have been raised in this environment, because as a result, I live in a cognitive world where magic is possible.  I completely and absolutely believe that it's possible that this cat "talks" in some meaningful sense.  Perhaps a Great Soul is sharing the cat's life essence with the cat, and they are playing with us.  Perhaps the couple are projecting so much of themselves onto their cat that the boundaries which would normally keep them from becoming ONE are at times almost not there.  Perhaps the man is just intuiting what the cat thinks and feels.  Maybe the woman's voice is being edited into the video as the voice of the cat.  Perhaps this is all happeing to serve a higher good.  Who knows? 

But I like living in a world where magic can happen, because magic can happen then.

It's paradoxical to me that peace is dynamic, yet one can be filled with it and peace-full.   I guess peacefulness as I experience it is a state of awareness, and it's based in balance and acceptance. 

Nothing can "keep" me peaceful, though.  It's a state that can be accepted and embraced and appreciated with gratitude minute by minute, second by second, in the now.  Peace is agenda-less.  BUT it emerges in my life when I have taken--I guess Buddhists would call it "right action." 

A dear friend of mine today spent about a half hour working with people who work in her organization, getting them to deal with their feelings of jealousy and powerlessness.  She listened over and over as they blamed each other and attempted to take control.  Each time they tried their strategies to help themselves feel more powerful and in control, she would stop them gently and ask them again, "What were you originally asked to do?"  "Is this thing that you are planning to do going to help you achieve what you were asked to do?"  "How could you change your plan so that you can achieve what you were asked to do?"  She said this over and over, going through 4 or 5 cycles with them, with no rancor, no judgment, only patience and support.  In the end, they were unwilling to abandon their control-seeking strategies, so she asked them to think about it and call her tomorrow.  She told them that they could show their love for her by calling her tomorrow. 

To me, this is real peacefulness.  She was never angry or irritated.  She helped them work toward the highest outcome that they were capable of, and their welfare was always more important than the task to be done.  I think this person's response to the situation of the feuding coworkers is an example of "right action," and as I watched, I felt at peace, and she did also.

(image from www.photowallpaper.com)

I like to wake up on my own.  That, to me, is the greatest luxury.  Not having to obey the alarm clock.  I love to wake up naturally, and feel fully rested. 

As to the other meanings of "woken up", again, it's nice to be in situations where there is something inspiring, like the wonderful nature memories that are running through my mind now as examples.  You know, circumstances that call upon your spirit, giving you the opportunity to awaken.  But yet, waking up needs to come from me.  It's definitely something that other people can't do for you!

Oh Good Lord!  Where do you come up with these questions?  This is a creative question, for sure!

OK, well YOU, obviously.  Is there any audience more important than you?  I  Think Not!!!  :) 

Yes, here on the BLOG, my audience is you, dear Gaian friends. 

But I'm also an audience member.  Greetings to You from my Superego!  YAY!!!  Superego has a SAY about what goes in here.  Nothing too outre.  There goes the good stuff.  Genius is what gets by when the superego is asleep...

And of course, my persona-ego.  Mustn't put  anything out there that conflicts with the ego image that I wish to project to YOU...

And of course the eternal aspect watching, watching, watching.  God, what are You?  Some kind of Voyeur?  I feel that beautiful Laughter, Divine Laughter, breaking through...

God broken out like tiny pieces of mirror, giving myself back to me through so many eyes, consciousness aware of consciousness...

I remember my daughter in her one and only dance recital.  Pink tutu, so pretty, stepping into a persona to which she was completely neutral, amazed, staring.  She was four years old, angelic.  I knew she didn't enjoy what she was doing.  The audience, for her, wasn't even a consideration.  She would bestir herself for something else--for drawing pads and sets of colored pencils and markers, inks and paints, but not this silly movement in lines.  No delight in doing that for people.  But she liked the sparkly tutu, and kept it for years.

Michelle creates her art, and I write this blog.  I bow to You!

Definitely through the tugs of my heart strings!  If I know my heart, most times there is not so much a decision to make as a knowing that shows me the way. 

There have been a couple of times in my life when I've been ambivalent about an important decision, and this can be VERY painful!  What I do then is just stay with the discomfort until I know what to do.  This might take years.  It's an unforgetable situation, and leaves its marks on my soul in the same way as loss or hard-learned lessons. 

Just a note from a little dip.

OK, a big dip.

When I was a kid, Big Dip was a kind of ice-cream.  Now it's just a large idiot or something.  Or a new move for the financial markets, or one of those things in life...

So, they canceled Danita's big operation that we've been anticipating since this spring.  They canceled it again (this is like about the 4th iteration) today, this morning, before they rolled her in and so forth, they told her they wouldn't be rolling her in.  When I found her, she was asleep, and so I left her that way.  She is so beautiful when she is asleep.  Well, when she's awake, too.

We're going to try Springforest Qigong.  Anybody out there doing that?

A wonderful friend and employee of Danita's nonprofit, White Apple Institute, created a CaringBridge site to keep you up to date on Danita. CaringBridge is a nonprofit organization that helps friends and families stay connected.

You can visit Danita's CaringBridge site at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/danitaapplewhite.  This will update you on the space/time coordinates of our roller coaster car. 

One little annoying thing is that the site wants to know your email address and some vague information about you.  Personally, I don't like it when sites ask for any information at all, and that will sometimes keep me from participating in something.  But I would do anything for Danita, including furnish some vague personal information.  That's part of the enigma of friendship, right?  Because of love for them, you to try something that you wouldn't normally do.

Please send your love and encouraging energy to our fellow Gaian, Danita.

I don't post a lot of Danita updates.

I'm sorry.

I really, really thought they would do the surgery day before yesterday, when I posted that last blog.  Silly me.

Yeah, we're pissed.  Yeah, we're frustrated.  But what ya gonna do?

They did a prep procedure and found more infection.

It's like they find a new infection every day.

She is as packed with antibiotics as I believe a human being can get.

Thank you all for your LOVE and LIGHT and support.  Who knows where we would be without it?  There are tears in my eyes right now.  We will get through everything.  We will.  Thank you all so much.

OK, Danita's surgery has been rescheduled for Monday.

It will really happen Monday.

Dr. Datta will build her a beautiful new spinal framework on Monday.

Her chi will have a brand new network to flow through on Monday.

The healing will be amplified on Monday.

Our LOVE will have another day to romp through on Monday.

We are all connected on Monday.

And every day.

We are all filled with LOVE and LIGHT together.

I'm so thankful that YOU are here and we are all together, every day.