The growing tips

C4~Chaos was sharing a quote with us the other day that said blogging should be your contribution to the world, and you should try to share the best of who you are and what you think you've learned.  In that spirit, I hope you will forgive me some didactic paragraphs, but there are some things I feel that I need to say about gender.  But if you want to hit another station button today, I won't mind.  And if you want to try reading this, that would be great.

In general terms--and of course not all people of the same gender think or do things the same way-- I will say that there are general tendencies among members of the same gender toward within-gender similarities of outlook and/or modes of behavior.  And insomuch as questions arise from time to time about the nature of growth and change in the world, and I think it's fruitful to think about growth and change from the perspective of gender difference.

A friend of mine was involved with a women's group in London about twenty-five years ago.  These women were educated, intelligent, and of similar mind regarding various issues.  They met often together and, in due time, reached consensus on the goal of publishing a journal regarding issues of importance to them, and of creating and publishing their writings in this journal.  They divided the necessary tasks among themselves and each member began to do her part.  Six years later, this friend left the group in disgust.  Absolutely nothing had been accomplished in terms of making the journal real.  There had been much talk, much support, much keeping the relationships right and honest, much giving of space, soul searching, much sharing, much writing and editing, but no journal.   And that's what happens when you've got too much Yin together.  The circle spins.  Like "spinning the wheels."  Like a merry-go-round.  The enterprise never gets from point A to point B.

And what happens when there's too much Yang energy together?  Well, dynamic and functional hierarchies ratchet into, or explode into, aggressively competitive and chaotic hierarchies.  Like bar fights.  Corners get cut.  Caution is forgotten.  And if we're not careful, there will be no enterprise to care about anymore. 

Neither female-centered value systems nor male-centered value systems by themselves are a great context within which to implement projects.  Just as individual people need to find within themselves a healthy, dynamic balance of "male" and "female" psychological outlooks, strategies and modes of behavior, groups need to find their own balance.  The group's resource for creating this is the healthy personal sense of balance that individuals bring to the group.  The reason groups of elders can often work successfully as same-sex groups is that with age comes the wisdom to create, seek and implement the necessary balance of contemplation and action. 

The picture above is of a coral plant with growing tips.  Healthy growth and change in women's groups can be like this.  Our connections with one another arise through commonalities that we find with each other in our stories, challenges, loves, joys, and lessons learned.  So, like the coral, our shape will pretty much depend on the connections that grow naturally--our connections are organic.  Such a group adapts to what happens and tries to stay connected.  Change comes from the life force of the group, which is maintained as long as the connectedness of the whole is maintained.  Change comes from LIFE within, and that LIFE comes from authentic sharing.  To understand change and growth, the group members should mindfully search for the growing tips.  They need to name them and nurture them.  The energy moving OUT and UP toward the sky (the domain of male energy) brings growth and change into focus and brings balance.